*DJs at your wedding*
*plays only power metal and refuses to break eye contact with your father*
- Person: why do you wear black?
- Me: to mourn the death of my enthusiasm
What, exactly, are all the skeletons fighting about?
Did somebody assassinate Archduke Femurdinand?
When I read this I put my phone down, walked out of the room, then sat at my kitchen table reevaluating the life choices I’ve made that led me to this moment.